I had planned a different post for today as I thought this one would be too personal to post.
Then I changed my mind,
I didn't want to pretend today was not today.
Today, for me, is the day that a lost my first child,
30 years ago when My first son, Scott, was stillborn.
He had long black curls and big feet,
And looked just like my oldest daughter.
5 years ago I had his footprint tattooed on my ankle, along with a white rose,
So now he will always walk with me.
The rose was added because
My husband and I each placed a white rose on Scott's coffin at the funeral,
and there is a rosebush at his grave.
Recently my other daughter told me she heard that when you see a cardinal in art it is often a symbol of a lost loved one.
Before I knew this I painted a watercolor cardinal a few years ago,
I ended up donating that piece to a local charity fundraiser called 'turtle beach'
Where a local person jumps into the freezing cold lake to earn funds for youth programs.
And I carved a red cardinal out of wood, and named it Fortitude, which is now in the home of a blogging friend.
I painted another one in a sketchbook when I was recovering from surgery about 4 years ago.
None of this is truly unique by itself as I paint and carve a lot of birds.
But, Almost everyday in the last month I have seen a cardinal,
Not in art but a real cardinal.
Now I know what I am seeing is just a bird,
But I have never seen so many bright red cardinals ever before,
I think I see the same one everyday,
he flies across the road in front of me in the morning on my way to work,
And he makes me smile.
And if I don't see him in the morning, I have seen others in different spots later in the day,
Is it just because I am looking for them now?
Or have they always been there for me?